18 December 2011

Crippy Crimble

This festival is promoted by Christian cults and retail trade. Parties, $pending, credit card blowout, and none of it related to baby Jesus. It is impossible to opt-out. I blame the 'three allegedly wise men' allegedly following a star (as if) and bearing those wildly inappropriate gifts. We all know that joke -
"What would have happened if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
and brought practical gifts.
when they left...
"Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"
"That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"
"Virgin, my arse! I knew her in school!"
"Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in the house?"
"I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!"
"And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!"
"Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole dish back?"
"That drummer boy was hot."

Hoping you all come out the other side of it all ... X X X


  1. so, so true, not to mention...
    "you'd think Joseph could have at least swept the floor once or twice, or offered a cup of tea".

  2. ... and what's with the Ferrero Rocher and the Danish shortbreads from NQR?

  3. Ferrero Rocher = Bogun Lindt

  4. What I meant was .... BogAn.
    Ms Melba.

  5. Thank you for producing big smiles in these season of insanity. All I want for christmas is boxing day. The crap is over and done with, and hungry people can be told to forage in the fridge. I intend to be reading agreeable trash with a glass of bubbles and a mango.

  6. Joseph to Jesus: "Well, you'd BETTER be God, little Mister!!!!!"

    --Courtesy the late Sam Kinison

  7. Three Wise Blokes very amusing Yr Excellency. not Larry, Daryl and Daryl though.
    River - my blood group is Tea.
    oh El Chi - all I want for christmas is Boxing Day - love it! and mangoes: put one on bedside table and have the fragrance all through the night. I had some mango tea once and all my Christmases came at once.
    Ferrous RochAIR is not really chocolate is it Dame Nellie? OTOH if I was desperate ...
    And have you had the Lindt place on Collins nxt to Tiffany? oh the CAKE.
    and Ms Daisy The Dead Head I love the late and righteously great Sam Kinison's work bless his soul.
    thank you everyone - good to see you all.

  8. If we gotta do Xmas, I vote for returning to its pagan roots ...

  9. Hi OZ Nomad - I have always thought the William Creek Hotel on xmas day would be good to FLY into, as apparently many do. I read this in Terri Underwood's first Riveren book, and I wouldn't be surprised if you have been there too.
    x x

  10. I will be free straight after the oldies Christmas lunch. I have two expensive books, chocolate, non-alcoholic wine and 3 dvds and intend to put my feet up.
    30 years of Christmas drunks and in-laws and headaches, now I love the silence.

  11. [chuckle]

    Have a good one, Ann of Brown Gables and St Helens. :-)

  12. LOL
    I enjoyed that one :)

  13. Thank you for posting that! It was very funny.

    I hope you enjoy your Boxing Day.

  14. oh all too true everybodys

    if it floats yer boat, then I wish youse all high tides forever...

  15. How many Christian children are there in the world to whom (Santa has to) deliver presents?
    How many hours of darkness across the globe does Santa have in which to deliver those presents?
    How heavy would his payload be (assuming two pounds of gifts, the equivalent of “one crummy Lego set,” per child)? How fast will Santa have to travel to visit all the world’s Christian households in his allotted time? How many pounds of centrifugal force will Santa be subjected to traveling at that speed? Alas, the conclusions weren’t pretty: flying through the winter air at the requisite 650 miles per second, Santa’s reindeer would instantly burst into flames, thanks to the same air resistance that heats up space craft reentering the atmosphere; as for Santa, he would be pulverized into “pink goo” by 4,375,015 pounds of force ... " Go here for the rest of that great amusement.

  16. Ms O'Dyne,

    You are so perfectly apposite, as always. Anyone honoured to join you at your Xmas table would surely be in raptures and claim, with such good company as yours, the Christian Feast Day can be an enjoyable and worthwhile occasion!